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Australia Day Love Story

25
Jan
2012
 

By Jessie

If Australia were to join a dating website and connect with, oh I don’t know, let’s say Belgium, how do you think the first date would go? If, after the awkward greeting outside the coffee shop where Belgium leans in for a cheek kiss and Australia mistakes the move for a handshake, they sit down all self-conscious at a table (Belgium thinking “Hmm, seemed smaller in her profile photos”), order coffees and then Belgium casually asks, “So, Australia or - maybe I can call you [wink wink] Ozzie hmm? Tell me all about yourself. What makes you tickity tock? TALK to me baby!”

And Australia (who’s just had her heart broken pretty badly by Canada and is kind of regretting the whole idea) inwardly cringes at Belgium’s 'charms' and, sighing deeply, says…

Well, I’m a true blue, fair dinkum, she’ll be right sheila. I’m the world’s smallest continent, but also, its biggest island. I enjoy wearin’ cozzies, slappin’ mozzies, chuckin’ sickies and dunkin’ bickies. I’m an outdoorsy kind of girl, and I love my sport.

My music tastes are varied, anything from AC/DC to the Wiggles. I love a cold beer on a hot day, and won’t say no to a flutter – on the pokies, the horses, or... actually pretty much anything else.

I’m a good cook, and what I can do with a lamb leg and a tin of pineapple has to be seen to be believed. I also like Thai food, pavlova, meat pies, lamingtons and BBQ sausages. And if I’m not slammin’ a coldie, I like a nice cup of tea.

I’m looking for a man who likes a bit of danger. That's because I’m home to the deadliest creatures on earth. From Sydney Funnel Web spiders, to Box Jellyfish and six of the world’s deadliest snakes, you probably want to make sure you return my calls.

You might have heard about my convict roots, but hey –I’ve had a LOT of therapy now and I’m totally OK with who I am. Absolutely no baggage here. Besides, only the petty crooks were sent to my shores in the early days, no worse than misunderstood larrikins really. All the hardened crims were hung. 

I like big, long things. I’ve got the world’s longest section of straight road, railway track AND fence. Anna Creek Station in South Australia is the world’s largest cattle working ranch, and at 34,000 square km – it’s bigger than, um… you.

Now I know what you’re thinking – such beauty, but what about brains? Well I’ll have you know I invented not only the Hills Hoist clothesline, but also the stump jump plough, the notepad, and umm… vegemite.

And Belgium looked across the table into the deep Pacific Ocean blue of Australia’s eyes and said… Well what do YOU think Belgium said?



UPDATE: Quizzard of Oz Tournament WINNERS!

Congratulations to our Australia Day Quizzard of Oz Trivia Tournament winners. Due to a (legitimate) scoring issue we've decided to award TWO grand prizes to Premium Members JaneRachel and Lobby. Which makes our three runners up: atc at, poonyi and axolotl. A truly bonza effort from all of you!
 
Winners will be contacted by moi next week to organise prize delivery - keep an eye on your inbox...
 

Jess x

PS: Attention all iPhone owners! Did you know you can also download the Quizzard of Oz Trivia App? Find out more and view our complete range of Trivia Apps here.

 

16 Responses to

Australia Day Love Story

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Ozmaid said:
January 25, 2012 at 4:36 PM

ROFL .... jessie...what a crack up...that is so funny, I am ROFL I cannot answer! " Happy Australia Day"

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Xrosie said:
January 25, 2012 at 7:52 PM

You have a weird but extremely hilarios sense of humour. Love the article, well done. Need a good laugh

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January 25, 2012 at 8:18 PM

I would say - Ive tasted vegemite, and all you aussies deserve a medal for acctually using it a lot and thniking it tastes great.

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Kagey said:
January 25, 2012 at 8:44 PM

Well, I am using ze leetle grey cells. But even Hercule Poirot would not be able to solve ze puzzle of what you 'ave said!!!! But you are rather beautiful in a wild kind of way & I like a leetle danger, so per'aps it will be fun!

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January 25, 2012 at 10:58 PM

Brilliant, Jessie! I think poor Belgium would be quite mystified, but eager to learn more - about "ze kangaroosters", "ze backout" and of course "ze boomerangers" "Are zey related to ze bushyrangers?" He would want to swim wiz ze crocodiddles and cuddle ze little bears.

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pdiaco said:
January 25, 2012 at 11:02 PM

Australia, you are young and beautiful, but you have borne children from immigrants from many nations, and in the near future I don't think that your children will be anything like you are now. So take care.

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grahaman said:
January 26, 2012 at 12:57 AM

How 'bout, "You sound fascinating, but I'm Northern Hemisphere and your Southern....and you know long distance relationships never work out!"

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Sierra1 said:
January 27, 2012 at 9:48 PM

That story is just another stereotypical swipe at Australia. Like we all talk like that! HECK NO!! And that said this is not valentines day so what the heck has some silly love story got to do with it? cos i don't see the sense in it or celebrating a day when the governments now & before have completely stuffed the country and are still filling it with people who should be sent back to their own and not taking up space, jobs etc here when there are so many people who were born here doing it tough who have so little. Australia should look after it's own backyard before extending any hand to any other country.

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mayabella said:
January 28, 2012 at 9:49 AM

Whoa Sierra1 ~ Chances are that once upon a time even your ancestors came from somewhere else in search of a dream. Maybe even the ones that our Indigenous people saw as their invaders. Yes Aussies are doing it tough but so are a majority of other people throughout the world. If we can't extend our hands in help to people who need it, I think we've lost sight of our decency and humanity. We all should try to make a difference, we all can make it work. We all need compassion. It's time to remember that we need to be the change we want to see in the world. We need to believe, we need to forgive, open up, accept.

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January 28, 2012 at 2:21 PM

Jessie's story was written in fun, and those of us with a sense of humour are enjoying it thoroughly. Sure there's hardship and differing views on migration, but that's not what this is about. I'd love to be able to write a humorous piece like Jessie can - it's brilliant.

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nan_j said:
January 28, 2012 at 8:46 PM

... and it was

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zowie said:
January 29, 2012 at 10:31 PM

true blue jess what a hoot clever girl

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January 29, 2012 at 11:13 PM

Well I am old in architecture but modern in thinking. I'll happily join you in a beer or 2. If you love chocolate then we can make a second date and explore the possibilities.

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said:
January 30, 2012 at 7:14 AM

Belgium says: " Oh,oh here comes my insanely jealous wife Holland and she has Canada with her. I just remembered I have a doctor's appointent and I must go now. Au revoir Australia."

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caff said:
January 30, 2012 at 10:51 PM

Jessie, your article is brilliant. You should take up writing poetry, if you don't already.

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January 31, 2012 at 3:29 AM

Here, Australia, have some chips and mussels.